4 teenage boys attempt to do the impossible; try harder to have sex.
Nathan Sowell (Skutch) delivers us his hot & fresh opinions on the star(?) studded cast of American Pie (1999). Starring Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, The broken arm pitcher from Rookie of the Year, Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott and even Eddie Kaye Thomas...and oh yeah, Jennifer coolide, Chris Owen, Mena Suvari...pretty much everyone is in this movie we guess...
A portal to hell opens in Stephen Dorf's backyard, and he must vanquish the demons that emerge with the help of his sad punk rock neighbor & some sick model rockets.
Matt Needles (Empty Promises) returns to the podcast to discuss the classic 80's "kids" horror movie, The Gate (1987).
A family is terrorized by their inability to leave a house.
JenRaye Adams (Ghost Ghetters) & Caitlin Dearing (What's The Story Steve) suddenly appear to help us discuss Poltergeist (1982), the film's tragic curse, Craig T. Nelson's rugged charm, and confusion over whether or not to go toward the light.
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson play identical strangers that aren't related in this story inspired by the Prince & the Pauper where an orphan girl and a rich girl trade places & play matchmaker with their parents...well, the orphan girl doesn't have parents. She has a social worker played by Kirstie Alley.
Elyana Barrera (The Megaphone Show) joins us to talk about Steve Guttenberg, bad accents, and other madness in It Takes Two (1995).
A young boy with a dead mom, Sebastian, skips class to spend the day hiding out in the schools attic reading a book* he stole.
*When you read the book the story in it is really happening somewhere, and there is much suffering because of you're reading it, and in the end they'll need you to do an exceptionally trivial task to save the day**
**but then you're rewarded with infinite wishes you can use to enact petty revenge on the children who bully you.
AJ McKeon (The Just For Tonight Show) hides out with us in my upstairs podcast studio to talk about the 80's children's fantasy movie, The Neverending Story.
OH MY GOD ALL THE MACHINES ARE ALIVE AND THEY LOVE YOU AND THEY WILL KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.
Ryan Darbonne (The Negro Problem Podcast) braves the depths of another animated movie for children from the 80's that's full of nightmare fuel and heavy questions, The Brave Little Toaster (1987).
A grandfather with a waning grasp on reality trains his 3 grandsons in the way of ninja, but the kids' lack of respect for the artform leads them to disobey its basic tenets and act like violent buttholes.
Ben Bazan (Latinauts: La Frontera Final) kicks the podcast into a sugar high gear to discuss the nearly perfect 90's kids movie, 3 Ninjas.
Though Warwick Davis is a terrible hero with awful decision making skills he manages to protect a very important baby from an evil queen.
Carl Stoneking (An Average Caucasian) floats by the podcast to talk the triumphant return of Val Kilmer in the Willow (1988). Directed by Ron Howard, and story by George Lucas.
Tom Cruise is throbbing with masculinity in this all american tale of one man using his airplane to fuck the sky...and in the process he fucks all of our hearts as well.
Jake Milward (Kinkade) is our wingman as we pilot the turbulent (read: coccaine influenced) Top Gun's many sexy choices.
Jim Carrey is a fun cable guy! The kind who stalks his customers, and ruins their lives.
Adam Pabbason (Buddy Cop) helps us get to the bottom of whether or not Matthew Broderick is actually the weirdo in The Cable Guy (1996).
Airborne is just you average fish out of water story about a California surfer kid who has to stay with his cousin (Seth Green) in Cincinnati, where our main character doesn't surf, forgets his rollerblades, is widely hated, and takes a shit on screen.
Nick Du Mortier (Daddy's Little Girls) scoots in to the show to talk about Airborne (1993), Shane McDermott's pacifism, and a solid 6 minute digression to share poop stories.
**Also, please marvel at this screen grab of the alleged Peanut Butter & Jelly burger from this movie.
3 women are murdered 3 times each for being witches in this fun Disney kids movie.
Kristen Kurtis (WXPN Morning Show Host) braves the playfully dark depravity of a Hocus Pocus (1993), a coming of age romantic comedy about teenagers that must murder witch-women to stop them from drinking the souls of children to stay youthful.
Tom Hanks and a down to earth dog named Hooch (good boy) are paired up in a buddy cop comedy where they have to track down the criminal who murdered Hooch's owner...and get some tail along the way.
K.C. Taylor (Nav Jodha) helps break down the classic buddy cop cheese and some middle level Hanks of 1989's Turner & Hooch.
In a likely turn of events the first Jamaican bobsled team to compete at the Olympics crashes violently, and is then forced to carry their own sled to the finish line before receiving medical aid.
Brian May (Pendulum Presents) feels both rhythm and rhyme with us as we talk about the numerous and somewhat unfair liberties Disney took with its retelling of a true story in Cool Runnings (1993).
A tiny young woman is continuously abducted by a series of increasingly terrifying woodland creatures with horrible intentions. With music by Barry Manilow.
Caitlin McNally (I'm So Sorry) suspends her disbelief with us as we take on another haunting Don Bluth animated classic tale of neglect and loneliness, Thumbelina (1994).
Arnold Schwarzenegger is sent back to the past for a second time with a stated mission of saving John Connor and preventing the apocalypse...except that last time he was here he had the opposite agenda. So, maybe Arnold is just pretending to be a good robot who in actuality also hopes to usher in the robot apocalypse?
Erica Lies (@EricaLiesALot) was sent to our podcast from the present to discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, and teen heartthrob Edward Furlong in James Cameron's "it's over when I say it's over" big budget B movie, Terminator 2: Judgement Day.
Bill Paxton steals Hellen Hunt's movie right out from under her in a film where we pretend like the tornado is the biggest shit sucking asshole.
Eli Eidson (Empty Promises) is in the studio to talk about Twister (1996) and its many awful scientists.
As is our style we're getting nostalgic for the first year of our own show, and are handing out awards to some of the masterpieces of cinema we watched this year.
Which movie held up the best/worst?
Which fight scene was the flat-out craziest?
Join us for a magical 2017 awards show episode of golden memories, personal tales of shame, and heartfelt thanks to our listeners for their support!
Warning: Thanks also given to our wonderful guests, and to our friends over at TheDreamCage.com.
This 1998 remake of the 1961 film The Parent Trap is different in that it stars Lindsay Lohan, they removed some of the better details, and the word "actually" is used 23 times.
Meredith Mae Roberts joins the show again (The Parent Trap) to discuss the pros and cons of the 1998 remake of the Parent Trap, smothered sausages and all.
A nu-metal loving scientist who has yet to crack the code of enthusiastic consent invents a way to make himself into the invisible bad touching maniac in the sci-fi horror movie, Hollow Man.
Lance Gilstrap (Movie Riot) returns to the show (From Dusk Till Dawn) to discuss Kevin Bacon's Hollow Man, a film that we now regret referencing at the end of nearly every episode of this show.
A family of 5 young criminals engage in the cover-up of their dead babysitter in hopes of having one unforgettably lawless summer.
Justin Soileau (Youtube, Bandcamp) joins us again (Teen Wolf) to help investigate the many crimes of the Crandell children and whether or not the death of the titular babysitter was set-up to transpire by the conveniently vacationing mother in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead (1991).
Arnold Schwarzenegger's secret dual life as a spy comes crashing down around him as he neglects the responsibilities of his job tracking terrorist to instead devote government resources to spying on his wife and taking revenge on her for a potential affair.
Quinn Buckner joins us to talk about True Lies (1994) starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Arnold, Bill Paxton, and Eliza Dushku in a delightful story of love & excessive military waste.
When two brothers murder in self-defense they are unexpectedly turned on to a life of vigilante crime fighting and action movie cliches in a post Pulp-Fiction world.
Two stoners get stuck in a year long science experiment, and use the opportunity to prove that they're terrible people.
Chaz Formichella (bit show) batons down the hatches with us as we talk about yet another Pauly Shore movie, Bio-Dome (1996).
A teenage boy in the 80's (who acts like a real butthole) proves that either God is real, aliens are watching us from the future with advanced technology and possibly manipulating the past, or that a 25 year old screenwriter will do whatever it takes to conceive the bullshit necessary to stabilize his house of cards.
Will Dwyer (@FirstWillEver) follows his chosen path to the podcast, and helps reveal the meaning behind the numerous obtuse elements in Donnie Darko.